near wild heaven

This is now, this is here, this is me, this is what I wanted you to see.

I just put the finishing touches on my Writer's Almanac script and sent it away. I hadn't done writing like that under deadline for awhile. It's a nice feeling; there is a sense of tangible accomplishment, and the pride of plying my trade, applying my skill as a writer. Here's hoping they use the script. I will certainly let you know. But I feel like such a writer doing work like this--much more so than teaching compositon to college freshmen, noble work though it is.

Hmm. Worth mulling over.  

Must shower. Stinky.

posted by: zithereen at November 22, 2004 12:13 | link | comments (3) |

I watched Bill Clinton's speech in the rain, on the day his presidential library was dedicated. This library is perhaps the one thing that will attract me to the state of Arkansas. What I like about Clinton is his ability to distill complex issues into rhetoric that acknowledges complexity, while at the same time offering compelling and clear plans of action. I miss that kind of thinking from a leader. George Bush defines himself--proudly--by being the antithesis of this. John Kerry, who I voted for, was never able to deliver concise messages in clear language on a consistent basis, although it's difficult for me to fault him too much. Despite the president's beliefs, the world is a complex place.

I think the president believes that we solve world conflicts by transforming our enemies until they are like us, and destroying those who refuse to assimilate or bow to our demands (even when the basis for those demands are false). That is the subtext of his agenda, the subtext of Iraq and Afghanistan, the subtext of now-simmering conflicts with Iran and North Korea. I understand that difference creates conflict, and sometimes that leads to violence and all varieties of unpleasantness. But I believe in a world with difference. I don't think we're all the same. I think we're different in many ways, and that difference, and the sparks these differences cause, is one of the beautiful aspects of life.

Think about that the next time you find yourself driving a car past a strip mall and some restaurants. Look closely. Can you tell what city you are in?   

posted by: zithereen at November 21, 2004 01:54 | link | comments (2) |

Lots of people who arrive at this blog do so in hopes of finding a few insights about Ethan Canin's "Star Food," a story I taught at UCI last year in my fiction classes. Of all the stories. I would expect inquiries on Hemingway, but a relatively obscure story by a writer most of you haven't heard from? All I can say is: now that I've mentioned the story again, it is even more likely that college students will arrive here and be disappointed by what they find. Sorry folks. No killer insight here.  

I have started drinking Canadian beer from a can. Labbatt Blue, in fact. It's a good beer. I first had this beer in Corvallis, Oregon on St. Patrick's Day 2000. I was visiting the beautiful campus of Oregon State University, where I had been accepted into the M.A. program for creative writing. I wound up attending Iowa State, mainly because of money concerns (it still cost me an arm and a leg to get my education in this non-lucrative field). Anyway, I was at OSU because I happened to be in Oregon. I walked from my hotel to a bar that was serving all the beers tinted green, and there I had my first Labatts. It seemed bitter to me then. I was deliberating my future--to move to Oregon or Iowa. In on respect, the choice was easy. Oregon had long been a state of interest to me, and I had a favorable impression of Corvallis and OSU, much better than Ames and Iowa State. But I was trying to make the right choice, too. The best choice, not the prettiest one. I suppose it turned out okay.

That was nearly five years ago. Who knew that a can of beer could take me back there?

posted by: zithereen at November 15, 2004 23:20 | link | comments (1) |

I have been given the opportunity to write a script for The Writer's Almanac, a daily, five-minute radio performance by Garrison Keillor. Each day, Keillor gives the names of famous writers born on that day, a brief biography, and reads maybe a line or two from their most famous work. There is no guarantee that the script I write--which is due in 10 days--will be used; they want to see if I can adhere to the style and format they prefer. If I can, I get a hundred dollars and the opportunity to write more. Also if I can, my script will be read on the air by Keillor himself.

The date they picked at random for me is December 9. It almost does not feel random, though. My maternal grandmother was born on that day, as was another person I still know very well, who I once knew very well in a different sort of way, who peruses this blog every so often. I feel like I have a familiarity with this day. It's a day that means something to me, as far as birthdays go. Wish me luck.

I've linked The Writer's Almanac at left. Check it out.

posted by: zithereen at November 13, 2004 10:05 | link | comments (3) |

When  I have a lot of energy and nowhere to put it, it can turn on me. I can get a little bit depressed. Hyperactively depressed, but depressed nonetheless. I learned this about myself a long time ago, when I was just a kid. Something would bother me--a social embarassment, a girl not liking me--and I would find myself fighting the urge to feel crappy about it. I would try to pretend that I was not, in fact, receding into a bit of a downer. When I stopped fighting, when I acknowledged that I was bummed out, I would hit bottom and bounce right back again. Acquiescence gave me clarity and vision, and a place to direct my energy. It's one thing I like about writing--it's a focused, creative direction for all the energy in my head.

I say this in relation to Bush's re-election. I am not pleased to see that we have given him another four years. It depresses me a little bit, because it worries me a great deal--I think any reasonable person should have some worries. I've found myself these past two days wondering how Democrats and liberals can circle their wagons: how to take the bracing disappointment of a Kerry defeat and transform it into useful energy, rather than allowing it to cycle into a pity-party of marginalization. After all, many more people voted for Kerry than voted for Reagan in his 1984 romp over Mondale. That statistic is cold comfort right now, but there is energy out there, and motivation. I feel this energy must be pinpointed, used smartly, channeled, and not wasted as raw anger (which is useful, and may be useful right now, but soon enough we must cool our jets and think about 2006 and 2008--and start thinking NOW). So, I'm going to start watching right now. I'm going to pay attention to what blows by in the breezes. Next time, I hope we will be supremely prepared.

posted by: zithereen at November 06, 2004 20:31 | link | comments (1) |

So the president won. I shouldn't say that I am totally surprised. Kerry would have been a decent president, in the same way he seems like a decent man (for a politician). But he did not exactly inspire passion, which I suppose is the element he lacked that cost him Ohio. Still, it seems like an election should be about something more fundamental than that.

Then again, it is a popularity contest.

 

posted by: zithereen at November 03, 2004 19:08 | link | comments (1) |

Yoga has gone well so far, after only two classes. The most interesting part for me, right now, is knowing that I have only taken one step into a much larger realm, that there are benefits out there for me, with this. That's really encouraging, because already I feel...different. Better, whatever. Since I quit smoking and cut my sugar and caffeine, I've had some weird bouts of depression and anxiety, which the logical part of my mind understands to be my body craving the stimulants I am now denying it. But it's been hellish at times, no matter what my logical mind tells me. It has elucidated, however, how very strongly my mood and sense of well-being were dependent upon nicotine, refined sugar and caffeine, all of which are legal. Anyway, I feel like I've needed some new ways to deal with the stress in my life, and yoga, as well as other things, have been ideal so far. In any event, I do not want to replay the anxiety and depression of nicotine withdrawal ever again, so I'm thinking this time quitting may actually work. Plus, I can avoid all coronary and cardiovascular difficulties that might crop up.

Staying busy, though. I've decided never, ever again to teach four university classes in one semester. I'm doing it, and it's fine, but it is also unethical. I feel like I'm working the fast food line of college teaching sometimes. I'm also writing more lately, after finding my focus again. And I applied for a real professorship in Cleveland. We'll see what happens with that.

posted by: zithereen at November 02, 2004 09:48 | link | comments (2) |