near wild heaven

This is now, this is here, this is me, this is what I wanted you to see.

Things are looking up. The weather in Ohio has broken and it was nearly fifty degrees today, so the air was thick and damp, thawing. It felt very much like spring. That's the last season here in the midwest that I will experience for the first time post-California. After two winters out there, the Minnesota winter seems to impose rudely. But the air is often clear and bracing, unlike today, my first spring day in three years, with the smell of the mud in the air. The air was thick, kindly so; it allowed me to luxuriate in it. It made me happier, made me eager for March and April, and a breeze steady, and the air thick and fluffy.

Many changes around here, in this Ohio I don't know so well anymore. It's definitely been a few yaers since I haunted here all the time--college, and just after. My reactions to the people, and to the places that once held some urgent nostalgia, have been quieter, less confused, much clearer. I'm distilling, sifting out all that isn't primary. It gives one a less cluttered vision. This is all vague, I know, but I can't attach this to one thing just now. I feel like I'm looking out from the inside of a flashlight.

posted by: zithereen at December 31, 2004 18:05 | link | comments |

Just wanted to take a moment to pass along some holiday cheer. I am currently scraping some holiday cheer from the bottom of the peanut butter container, angling my wrist just-so, so I can scrounge up whatever little holiday cheer there is to be had around here.

Maybe it's just me, I don't know. But things around the family seem slightly grim right now. Even the laughs and jokes seem forced, obligatory gestures. Stories to follow, you bet your collective ass.

posted by: zithereen at December 26, 2004 12:32 | link | comments (2) |

A Few Things That May or May Not Be Related

I am afraid of getting portly over the cold winter months. In reality I look better right now than I have in over a year, but the weather outside has turned dangerously cold--windchills of 20-below tomorrow--and my reaction to all this is to sit around and drink beer in the evenings. Perhaps a single weekend of this should not put me on edge, but it's my theory that those who are not on edge have already toppled over, and are falling to certain death. Or ceratin portliness, in this case. What I really need is to do some yoga tomorrow, which I have not done as much since the free classes ended for the semester.

I started a new story today. I'm not sure if it's any good, but the problems can be solved, and the heart of the story is its own kind of true. It's about a boy who wants to be an urchin, because that would be better than where he's at. What's best, this writing is mine, people.

I got my first paychecks for the Writer's Almanac today, with two more installments to go for work already completed. I talked to the producer this week, and she definitely wants to keep me on as a regular contributor starting in January. I could write two scripts per week if I like, which I think I might do. As I told a friend this week, it's important for a writer to make some of his income through putting words on a page, if it's possible to do so. This is a very difficult line of work. Plenty of very smart people, who could make lots of money doing something far less challenging, have chosen this particular vocation, and the best ones are the hungry ones. And there are a lot of them. Sometimes I'm walking in my fair city, and cars pass and people pass, and I am perfectly anonymous to them, and I wonder how I could ever be a writer who could move the hearts of strangers like these people who brush and motor on past.

I think George Bush won because he was able to create a persona of forthroghtness. Of course, he's not that, or honest, or articulate (see today's ludicrous press conference), but in some way he was able to create the impression that he owned his policies. And it's true that in many ways he was unapologetic. I believe this is what won it for him, and lost it for Kerry. I have no doubt that Kerry would have done a good job,  but the problem with him and other Democrats is they flinched when Bush and others strated calling them liberals, as if they also think of it as a dirty word, re-enforcing the baffling, popularly-held view. It's larger than that: Kerry had a general dis-ease about himself. He seemed afraid to call himself by his own name; it took him awhile to find his voice. I was pulling for him all the while, but his sluggishness cost him in the end: he sharpened his campaign a month or two too late. He should have been throwing haymakers right after Boston. George Bush? I am not a fan. And he doesn't seem like a very popular president--note today's 49% job approval ratings, the lowest for a re-elected president at this time since before LBJ--so I have found myself preoccupied with his win. It was tight, 2000 aside, and people generally feel unhappy about him. And yet this was not parlayed into a Kerry presidency. I can only think that Bush succeeded in controlling his message, which was some version of you may not like me, but you know where I stand.

And that's where we stand today. See you in 2008.

 

 

posted by: zithereen at December 21, 2004 00:38 | link | comments |

I have spent the past few days reading my way through that last awful push of this hellacious semester--I made my way through over 100 papers of undergraduate work. And fine work it was, everybody. Actually, it was okay. Some kids are with it, some aren't, and many are safely in between. I like to refer to these people as the future middle class. It's strange to watch demographics infiltrate even my grading.

Anyway, the very last paper I read, from my lit class, was from a girl who is both an environmental studies major and a George Bush supporter. Because Republicans love the environment, as we all know, and they love drafting and enforcing environmental policies. Anyway, she writes this paper that is about The Odyssey, Slaughterhouse-Five and The Things They Carried.  The thing is, she doesn't much care for Carried. It's about the Vietnam War, and it uses some non-traditional methods to explain or illustrate or narrate Tim O'Brien's views on that war and his experience in it . Basically, this very bright student disavows herself from engaging in the analysis I'd asked for because she doesn't like the book or the "weak political statement" O'Brien is trying to make. Also her father is a Vietnam veteran, and when she explained the book, he didn't much care for what she was saying, so she doesn't find much reason to think O'Brien is being anything other than cute, and trying to be cutting-edge. She even said that O'Brien is trying to make Oprah's Book Club (nevermind that he published this book in 1990), and in order to do so he must come up with some "trick," which she defines as some way to brutalize the reader.

It is for young women like this that the liberal arts exist. She needs exposure to it; she's smart enough to take to it. She doesn't understand that traditional stories--on TV, in the movies, in magazines and other print--are the most brutalizing, because they condescend. They package fantasy as reality. They presume that you are going to accept what they tell you: I am regularly offended by the brazen assumptions of mainstream stroytellers. How else can a perfectly intelligent young woman like my student think that Tim O'Brien is full of tricks, that he is trying to be ambitious, how else can she fail to see his allegiance to honesty and truth, and his implied critique of all stories that ask less of us? It's tough to fail a student, like I failed this one. She approached a way of thought that differed from her own, and she turned away. She didn't even bother addressing the book in any substantial way, basically because she did not like it.

posted by: zithereen at December 18, 2004 20:11 | link | comments (6) |

Let's not forget, everybody: my script, read by Keillor, at the Writer's Almanac site to your left. Check it out.

I am nearly done grading and it makes me happy. I'm already thinking more about my writing, sliding my mind right on over.

 

posted by: zithereen at December 17, 2004 16:50 | link | comments (3) |

I just wrote a post, but now the post is gone without having been posted. Ugh. So you all get the condensed version:

Thanks for your opinions, everybody, about keeping Near Wild Heaven by the same beloved name. Now I'm considering corporate sponsorship. I have bills to pay, after all. Target's Near Wild Heaven. Or: Near Wild Heaven brought to you by Kentucky Fried Chicken. What corporations would make a good sponsor for my blog?

posted by: zithereen at December 16, 2004 18:52 | link | comments (3) |

So, I'm pondering a name change here at Near Wild Heaven. I don't know if that name fits anymore. Before I decide anything, I'd like my dear readers to take their best swipe: what's the new name of Zithereen's blog?

posted by: zithereen at December 13, 2004 23:33 | link | comments (3) |

I'm loving the new digs here at Motime, and I don't think Howard is done yet. It even has that new car smell...

My day of rest turned into a night that included a few drinks, and I've spent most of today nursing a hangover and wishing I had better cable. This means that I devoted the entire weekend to doing nothing--although I did clean our bathroom and the dirty dirty overhead fan--and I'm resisting the urge to feel guilty or anxious about that. After all, there are stories to write, there is poetry to read, there's so much worth doing. And instead I did nothing, or very near to it. I resist feeling bad about it by remembering how tired I have been lately, and how much work I've done these past 3+ months. I do need some time to recover my strength (and boy, there is nothing like a hangover to make you feel strong) and claim more of my brain for myself. Over the next month and a half, I figure I have three or four days of actual school-related work. The rest of the time I can use for rest, for visiting, and for writing. Soon enough I'll have the time AND the energy to really make a move. Which I need to be doing: a colleague from Irvine just secured an agent for her novel--Geoffrey's agent. I think she'll sell that novel; it's pretty damned good, and she's 300 pages into another one already. This colleague is a sweetheart, one of my favorites, and an excellent writer, and she deserves what good things will come her way. It puts a bit of a charge into me, to finish this book, or to work steadily toward its completion. I refuse to seek an agent until I'm happy with the collection, and I'm doing some major rewrites, doing some new material. I'm not where my colleague now finds herself, but I think I can get there. We'll see.

posted by: zithereen at December 12, 2004 19:30 | link | comments (1) |

The day of rest has commenced. Honestly, though, it's not like I'm spending the day on the couch. I sometimes wish I could spend whole days on the couch. It seems like such an indulgent thing to do, which probably leads to other indulgences: a pint of ice cream, a frozen pizza, an escort service. All without leaving the comfort of your couch.

This is not to suggest that I have not logged serious couch time in my life. When I lived in California, I spent plenty of time on my couch, watching my digital cable on the big TV I'd bought from another grad student for $30. When you have hundreds of channels to keep you occupied, the hours can tiptoe on past. That's how I spent a lot of my leisure time, watching the TV, playing on the internet, smoking cigarettes. The activities were great because I was often very tired and, when it came time to relax or have a Friday night, I didn't feel much like facing the highways of death that are the greater Los Angeles freeway system. Another name for them: the highways of tedium. I wasted lots of time sitting in traffic for no good reason.   

As you can see, I'm meandering my way through this particular entry. Today will consist of much meandering, but also some cleaning, and a trip to the grocery so's I can purchase the material necessary to whip up my broccoli casserole, which Lady and I will take to this party we're going to tonight. And maybe a walk. Oh! And maybe a trip to a thrift store for a new (used) coat. Who knows? It's a day of leisure. Nothing in particular has to be accomplished.

By some weird glitch, I was able to hear my December 17 script read on the Almanac website last night. Keillor reads much more of what I wrote than he did on December 9. The writing credit was given to somebody else, however: apparently, my name has to earn its way on the air. And besides, the scripts I write become the property of Minnesota Public Radio, so they can do with them pretty much whatever they want. I finished my Christmas Eve script and received an enthusiastic reply from the producer...at 1:30 in the morning. Beats me. I think she's had the sort of famously long week that can afflict those in salaried jobs. And two more scripts, due December 20.

On we go.

posted by: zithereen at December 11, 2004 10:26 | link | comments |

Just got word from the Almanac producer--two more scripts, due December 20! Just as my semester ends. Whew! Apparently Keillor wants to narrow down the regularly contributing freelance scriptwriters to two, and the producer thinks I'm one of them. This will mean I will have earned an extra five hundred dollars this month--just for writing!

Now, if only I could get a story published...(I'm working on it) 

posted by: zithereen at December 09, 2004 15:19 | link | comments |

December 9 means my first Almanac script is being read on the air across the country today, although Keillor doesn't actually read much of what I wrote. The entire script can be found today at the website, see left. And sorry for the self-promotion. Writing is no easy business, and success yields gradually, and whatever headway I do make I tend to be intensely proud of. And this little bit of business is a good thing. My next script is on December 17. Tomorrow I am finishing my third script, for Christmas Eve. And on Saturday I will sleep late and spend part of the day naked as the day I was born, and I will clean my apartment and perhaps get gloriously drunk at a party that night. And Sunday I will write.

posted by: zithereen at December 09, 2004 14:48 | link | comments (1) |

Okay, I took everybody's advice and the advice of my girlfriend, and the advice of the excited voice in my head that was being muffled by my other parts, which are tired and anxiety-ridden (still trying to live normally as a non-smoker), and I took the gig.

My December 9 script is on the Almanac website (link at left), although in the recording Keillor hardly reads what I wrote because he wanted to read some poems. My next script is up on December 17, next Friday. The one I will likely submit late on Friday night is--gasp!--Christmas Eve. It's a tough one because Keillor wants a couple of pages on the day itself, so I'm trying to find something fresh and interesting to say about that very popular day. Did you know, for example, that the Treaty of Ghent was signed on that day? Don't know what that is, do you? Well, listen to the Almanac on Christmas Eve and you'll find out. Anyway, I'm honored that the Almanac trusted me with such an important day, and charged me with the responsibility of finding some new wrinkle of something to say.  

Apparently Garrison Keillor likes my scripts and would like to meet me in the next month or so. That's pretty cool. I think I'll be more excited once I have been released from the strain of a heavy courseload, and can recover myself some. This upcoming break is richly earned, everybody. A little relaxation is just what ol' Z needs. Plus, I'll be entering the time to Make My Move, so far as my writing goes. I've got a ton of ideas, but I haven't got the brain space or energy or time to spend five solid hours at my computer or hunched over a tablet, really working these ideas into stories. But that time is coming.  

posted by: zithereen at December 07, 2004 09:40 | link | comments (3) |

Quick question: Writer's Almanac wants me to write another script, due Saturday morning. This would cut into my fantasy weekend of rest. Should I do it?

posted by: zithereen at December 06, 2004 09:02 | link | comments (6) |

I am having a fantasy about how I will spend sundown Friday to sunup next Sunday. Mind you, this is no randy sex fantasy. It's rather boring, in fact, but it is the boring simplicity of it I find so attractive. I will take time off. That's it. The trouble with teaching (and teaching 100 students) is that it requires your daily attention, particularly when you are grading, which I am doing right now. Plus I am writing another Almanac script--due by midnight today--and trying to get through the portion of The Things They Carried I assigned my lit students for Monday. I haven't even had time to do much more than scrawl a few notes about my own writing, but I am getting those notes down, so I can use them when my other obligations slacken.

Friday is the last day of classes; the following week is the exam week. I'll have five wondrous days between this Friday and the collection of final papers. I will engage in some rest--or maybe just doing other things--and a week from today, Sunday, I will spend the whole day writing my own damned work. Which I am looking forward to. All this work the past few months has bought me some time, first over break and then by being able to work only part-time next semester, so I'll have more of what I need from myself to concentrate fully on my own writing.

Gotta run. I'm going to write that script now.

posted by: zithereen at December 05, 2004 09:12 | link | comments (1) |

Hot damn, everybody. I got the word from Writer's Almanac that Garrison Keillor recorded my script on Monday. They liked it, they took it. I think the text of my script will be on the Almanac site (see left) early next week. The day is December 9. Also, you can hear the recording--Keillor's smooth voice reading my words--sometime next week, as well. It's all on the website.

I'll get no official credit for this (no "This script written by Zithereen..."), but they want me to be a regular contributor. And sooner or later, my name will make it onto the radio. Hilarious.

Also, I get paid, not a pittance and not a fortune, but good money for the work, which wasn't really work at all. I just had to learn about some writers. That's right up my alley, kids.

posted by: zithereen at December 01, 2004 12:11 | link | comments (7) |