near wild heaven

This is now, this is here, this is me, this is what I wanted you to see.

Two times over the past week, I have sat down at this very computer, drunk and ready to type a blog entry. And type I did. The first time, I wrote a post in the 2nd person, all about being unemployed. It was a beautiful piece of writing. Then I hit TAB or SHIFT or ALT, and it all disappeared. A few days later, I wrote a shorter, but no less heartfelt, post about my job search, which disappeared when I hit the "Post and Publish" button down below.  

I am back again, a little bit drunk again. I could write about being unemployed (it sucks) or about my job search (some prospects, but nothing solid) or about the tedium of editing my manuscript so's I can shop it to New York City agents (I have leads, but the entire process does seem daunting, and potentially very difficult). But I don't want to write about any of that. I spend my days worried about those three things; for the moment, they fill my time.

Last night I dug through the many cardboard boxes I have piled in the closet in our office. I found boarding passes for three flights--a trip from Columbus to New York I took in June 1997. I found the boarding passes for both ends of a flight I took from Santa Ana to St Louis two years ago, when my friend Corinne got married. I found a thank-you card my sister wrote to me eleven years ago, following the birth of her daughter. I also found a photograph from 1990, at my sister's open house for high school graduation. It was held at my father's house, but the photograph is of my mother and ex-stepfather. His wearing a shirt and tie, smiling underneath a broad, black moustache, and holding a cigarette. My mother wears a flower print dress. She is smiling at the photographer--I wonder who snapped this picture? At the edge of the corner sits my Uncle Ron, staring away at the television. Two years after this picture was taken, he would die of a massive heart attack, three days after Christmas. My poor cousin would pound on his chest. Also found: me at Stonehenge, courtest of Cheryl; Seattle, from my father's rental car; a tomb in Springfield, Ohio; a burning building in Springfield; my high school graduation announcement;   Lancashire; a card from my mother and current stepfather, for some graduation. "I am really proud of you," it reads in my mother's handwriting.

posted by: zithereen at August 31, 2005 00:03 | link | comments (1) |

Here are some new pals. The first you'll find at left, under READ SECRETS. It's a fascinating look at secrets and the desire to tell them. I'm considering sending one in myself...if I can think of a juicy-enough secret (I've got some candidates).

Also, the lovely Joey Madison:                                                                                            http://theunknownnaughtygirl.blogspot.com/

And the writer, Chelsea. She has an active sex life, or an imagination on overdrive--or both: http://prettydumbthings.typepad.com/

***

I'm to the point of re-editing my manuscript. One thing I took away from Squaw was the absolute necessity of making the ms. shine, as best as it can. And frankly, I need to go through each sentence again. This is a difficult process because I have to be heartless, have to ignore all the fiction I'm trying to spin and all the precious heartache that has gone into these stories, and simply read the sentences, and tell myself honestly if they shine, or if they are somehow tarnished by flaw. Of course, there's always tarnish--that's part of the point--but it's got to be the right amount, at the right times, for each story. And right now many sentences need to be tightened, rewritten or simply deleted. It's a hard place to be. One of my stories has problems with virtually every sentence--every last one, which I had slaved over for months! And these sentences are better than the ones they reaplced. Yet they are overwritten, trying too hard, affected, and so on. The story is there. It's already on the page. I just need to peel away the extra words.

 

 

posted by: zithereen at August 24, 2005 00:42 | link | comments (2) |

I'm reviewing my recent posts. They seem to read like this:

I'm in Minnesota, I'm at Oberlin, I'm at home, I'm in Minnesota, I'm in California.

And now, back again to MN. I managed to squeeze a safe, round-trip flight between the gruesome accidents plaguing the world over the past few weeks.

Squaw Valley was wonderful--but a week at 6200' left my brain feeling like a dried sponge. I felt like I couldn't get a full breath. Then we descended the mountains, into arid southern California, and the air was rich with moisture by contrast.

HIghlights: my stories went over well. A certain high-powered New York editor read the first story in my collection and loved it. She gave me her personal e-mail address and told me to re-send after I've made a few edits. Also, I got a few legitimate leads on agents. And I learned that I have some editing to do, and that I should not send out until those edits are done and the book is polished. Which I'm giving myself until October 1 to do, since several people have suggested that I wait until then, when the busy thrust of September subsides. I also want to write the first chapter of my next project, a novel, as well as a proposal for it. Because short story collections don't particularly sell well, I thought I might dangle my next project--a novel (and novels sell). They always want to know what's next, apparently; and if they like the collection but have reservations as to its sell-ability, the novel chapter-proposal could be an effective way to convince them to take me on.

Or so I think. I'm still just learning the business. And, for the most part, I won't be hitting it until October. Just some thoughts.

posted by: zithereen at August 17, 2005 10:05 | link | comments (1) |

In CA now, in the old stomping grounds. Just a few miles from here, in Irvine, I spent over 900 hours over two years, sitting and listening in workshop. Bright and (very) early Saturday morning, I will drive with some former colleagues up to Squaw Valley, where I will try to interest certain peoples in the words I have written. Updates from that, I'm sure.

I feel like I'm getting backlogged here--plenty to say, but I'm not doing it. I think I'm concerned that I don't have a job yet back in MN.

Tonight I saw phosphorescence in the Pacific Ocean. The waves crashed aqua.

Anyway, I'm off to the mountains, with 4 copies of my manuscript that the lovely Arielle allowed me to photocopy today, courtesy of the University of California. Wish me luck.

Meantime, here is a photo blog I've started. Probably, posting will be erratic. It has some of the photos I took last week, in Adams County, Ohio. Mainly I took some photos of sites for the upcoming novel. Some of these may appear in the story:

http://zagzig.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

posted by: zithereen at August 05, 2005 00:54 | link | comments (1) |